Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
