you're like a bully in the Christmas story
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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