I can text with my tongue
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
