we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
