why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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