I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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