fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
