Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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