There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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