We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
