So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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