haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
