i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize