Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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