I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
