it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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