As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
