i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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