i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
