Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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