Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
