my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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