if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
