when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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