She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
