I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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