Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
