Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
