What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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