I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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