At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
