chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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