im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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