Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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