Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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