sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
no you cant smoke seaweed
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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