so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
