ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize