So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize