They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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