My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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