so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
