I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
