sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize