Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So. Much. Porn.
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