I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize