I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
