I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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