Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize