He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
