i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
