Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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