Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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