Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
