Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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