Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
