I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
