Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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