She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize