If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
