they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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