john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
