On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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