I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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