Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
